Ever since I came back for the second year, I have been a confused guy (Not that I wasn’t confused before, it’s just that it has gotten worse). The basic reason behind this might be the fact that I have started thinking about where Iam actually headed in life. First year was all fine when you just had to study the subjects that were there. Second year is different – you need to decide which subjects you will study and which you won’t. All I know right now is what stream I don’t want to get into.
It is not just a question of the subjects or the stream alone – I don’t see where Iam headed in life. All right, I will finish my MBA; get a good job (hopefully) and then what? I don’t have any sense of direction of where this is all leading to. When I was young (say ninth or tenth standard), I dreamt big. I wanted to be the next Tata or Ambani. I wanted to do something that will make India proud. I wanted to provide employment to thousands of people. I never knew how I was going to do it but I always knew I should.
Strangely, somewhere along the line, I have lost it. I just did what everyone else did. I tried for IIT and BITS and didn’t make it to either. Got into a decent engineering college, got one of those good software jobs at the end of it and was very happy about it. A year later, Iam in an IIM dreaming of those big bucks. I still sometimes think about my big dream but the fact that I don’t know how Iam going to get there worries me a lot. I recently read about an IIM-A grad, Sharath (http://www.hindu.com/2006/04/02/stories/2006040215261000.htm) who started a restaurant after finishing his MBA. He had struggled financially right through his life. He had an ageing mother who had fought all her life to ensure the rise of her children. He had brothers and sisters to take care of. He could have easily taken one of the many on-campus offers he had and lived happily ever after. Rather, he chose the untested, riskier path of going on his own. This guy Sharath suddenly became a hero for me. I got motivated by what he had done.
As in most cases, reality struck me hard a few days later. Once I was out of that emotional cloud, I evaluated what were my realistic chances of doing something similar. To begin with, my parents have high expectations from me. Though they never convey it to me, I can see it in their eyes. Tomorrow, if I go and tell them that I want to start my own company, they won’t say no but they would be very disappointed. They don’t want a model son for the society; they would rather be happy with a normal MBA grad leading a good life. I wouldn’t blame them – it is the typical mentality of any middle class family.
This apart, on a personal front, the fact that I don’t have that bright idea yet worries me as well. I have always been confident of myself, but all I have is just that. Iam beginning to wonder whether I will really make it and when you start thinking like that, you are as good as finished. However, there is also this last glimmer of hope inside me which says I might just make it. Whether that glimmer burns out or glows brighter remains to be seen.
It is not just a question of the subjects or the stream alone – I don’t see where Iam headed in life. All right, I will finish my MBA; get a good job (hopefully) and then what? I don’t have any sense of direction of where this is all leading to. When I was young (say ninth or tenth standard), I dreamt big. I wanted to be the next Tata or Ambani. I wanted to do something that will make India proud. I wanted to provide employment to thousands of people. I never knew how I was going to do it but I always knew I should.
Strangely, somewhere along the line, I have lost it. I just did what everyone else did. I tried for IIT and BITS and didn’t make it to either. Got into a decent engineering college, got one of those good software jobs at the end of it and was very happy about it. A year later, Iam in an IIM dreaming of those big bucks. I still sometimes think about my big dream but the fact that I don’t know how Iam going to get there worries me a lot. I recently read about an IIM-A grad, Sharath (http://www.hindu.com/2006/04/02/stories/2006040215261000.htm) who started a restaurant after finishing his MBA. He had struggled financially right through his life. He had an ageing mother who had fought all her life to ensure the rise of her children. He had brothers and sisters to take care of. He could have easily taken one of the many on-campus offers he had and lived happily ever after. Rather, he chose the untested, riskier path of going on his own. This guy Sharath suddenly became a hero for me. I got motivated by what he had done.
As in most cases, reality struck me hard a few days later. Once I was out of that emotional cloud, I evaluated what were my realistic chances of doing something similar. To begin with, my parents have high expectations from me. Though they never convey it to me, I can see it in their eyes. Tomorrow, if I go and tell them that I want to start my own company, they won’t say no but they would be very disappointed. They don’t want a model son for the society; they would rather be happy with a normal MBA grad leading a good life. I wouldn’t blame them – it is the typical mentality of any middle class family.
This apart, on a personal front, the fact that I don’t have that bright idea yet worries me as well. I have always been confident of myself, but all I have is just that. Iam beginning to wonder whether I will really make it and when you start thinking like that, you are as good as finished. However, there is also this last glimmer of hope inside me which says I might just make it. Whether that glimmer burns out or glows brighter remains to be seen.
6 comments:
Were you ME when you were writing this... well almost(i was never that socially conscious-"I wanted to provide employment to thousands of people" and i am a little bit more confused than you!)
"Earn a heavy pay-package and work as another 'decent' MBA" and u r a part of the crowd!Come out of the crowd, follow ur heart, show the world the metal u r built of and the world will respect you and your parents too. guess i am sounding 'alchemistic' but i guess, sooner or later one will agree to it!
dont mislead urself thinking that I have a crystal-clear clarity :)
So very true.. the confusion in the mind. Maybe thats y I would like to call us(with me also sharing the same confusion as u )nomads..cometh a new season and our priorities change..coz we r still not sure of 'to be or not to be' and hence are wandering in search of 'well defined path towards the goal'...
PS: I sound very globe..but it is a sign of someone who is lost in this vast globe
@Manan - nice to know that u also wanna do something :)
@Nitin - I guess I will consider ur idea but its all the more difficult to come out once u are in it.
@Mrunal - "cometh a new season and our priorities change" - very true. Still waiting for that clear direction!
What we need is a blog update. To reflect what Ramanuj (Class of 2005) said, wtf is wrong with your batch and blogging? Has the blogging culture at culture died? I dont see many updates from any of your bloggers (execepting Arun whose blog I havent checked).
Please continue blogging... !!!!!!!!
@Govar - I know this is just an excuse but Term IV was pretty hectic for most of us. U can expect a lot more action in the coming period.
The pgp1 does have a number of bloggers - just that I haven't linked them up yet. Will do it in a couple of days when Iam back on campus.
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