just like that

It is 'the time' of the year for all the people trying to get into an elite institute to pursue their MBA. I just went back a year in time and looked at the interviews I had atteneded. Some of them seem pretty funny right now and so here we go.

IIM Indore Interview

Panel: You said your father works in Sundaram Finance Ltd. Can you tell me who the chairman of that company is?
Myself (mentally): What sort of a question is that?
Myself: No sir, I am not aware of it.

Panel: Do you know what Sundaram fasteners produce?
Myself (mentally): For Heaven's sake, what is wrong with you people?
Myself: I am not sure, sir. I think they produce the fastening materials (What a brilliant answer!!!) for nuts and bolts.

Panel (mentally): This guy is clearly dumb!
Panel: Nuts and Bolts???
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
P: Do you now what is Bluetooth?
M: It is basically a wireless system confined to a limited area with high quality transmission and reception.

P: What is the difference between ordinary wireless and Bluetooth?
M: ???!!???

P: OK, tell me why is reception quality better in FM compared to AM?
M: Sir, in FM, the frequency is modulated whereas in AM the amplitude is modulated (Nobody in this world knew about this before!!). Since noise basically occurs more when there are variations in amplitude, noise is less in FM.

P: No but why is the noise less there?
M: (ok u asked for it! Come on start!) If you consider AM, the carrier signal is modulated w.r.t. amplitude and during transmission noise can enter at various spikes and troughs. Whereas in FM the amplitude is constant. This is the reason noise is less.

P: (How the hell did he pass his engineering?) Ok, can you at least draw me the waveforms of AM and FM?

After struggling for 5 minutes, I draw two waveforms that can be accepted by half-asleep people as AM and FM waves. After seeing that, the panel decides that if they continue to ask in electronics, they will forget whatever little they know of it.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
P: Ok, so you come from Chennai. Which major foreign companies have set up plants there?
M: (Aah! Finally something I can answer.) Hyundai, Ford…

P: Have they set up plant in Chennai or in outskirts of Chennai?
M: (oh! shit, these guys seem to know everything)On the outskirts of Chennai, sir.

P: You have heard of Maraimalai Nagar?
M: Yes, sir.

P: Which company has its plant there?
M: (Inky Pinky Ponky…) Hyundai.

P: Really?!? Who has set up plant in Sriperambadur?
M: (By this time I realize that they already have found out that I don't know anything and were simply playing around.) No, sir. I don’t know!


P: Why does the city have its name as Chennai?
M: (That's it man! I quit!) Well, sir, it was traditionally called Madras. But people wanted a Tamil name to give an identity. So probably they gave the name Chennai.

P: No, but why was the name Chennai given?
M:(After thinking for about 30 secs) No sir… No idea.

P: OK, what other calls you have?
M: Calcutta, sir.

P: Best of luck for that Interview. (This is anyways gone! Atleast do that properly) You can leave now!
M: Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure meeting you all. (A pleasure I hope I will never have again)

P: (I’m not sure whether you will get an other opportunity)

Post-mortem:
Chennai is called so because the city was sold to the British by a king called Chennapanayakkar. Ford has its plant in Maraimalai Nagar and Hyundai has it in Sriperambadur. And I am still trying to find out why the noise is less in FM.


IIM Calcutta Interview

P: Mr. Vimal, you are working in Polaris. What exactly is your work there?
M: Well, sir, basically speaking, we are concerned with the clearing house operations of Citibank... (Give a huge Build-up)... ... ... So, that's what we do.

P: OK. What is the system that the RBI has to clear all the cheques in one day irrespective of the bank you deposit it in? (This was asked because during my build-up I had given some example about cheques.)
M: No sir. No idea.

P: Well that’s ok. You seem to have done your engineering from electronics and communication…
M: (If you want to commit suicide, just say...) Yes, sir.

P: Did you have telecommunication as a subject?
M: (I thought of telling no – In fact that is what I would have told to half the subjects - then I remembered that my mark-sheets were right across the table. So My answer changed to) Of course, sir.

P: what are the two mobile technologies available?
M: I think they are CDMA and GSM. (I later found out I was correct)

P: From user point of view, what are the differences between the two?
M: Well sir, (whenever I begin with a "Well, sir" it only means one thing: Nobody in the world will ever understand what I am going to say because basically I myself don’t know what I am going to speak) CDMA will provide... ... ... whereas GSM can only provide... ... ...

P: (How the hell did he pass his engineering?) (Getting nostalgic..? Stay tight. The real fun starts now!) Will my SIM card work if I remove it from one CDMA mobile and put it in another?

M: (Poor guy - He doesn’t even know this!) Of course, sir. No problems!!!

The rest of the interview was just vindication of the opinion you people by know have in your mind.

Post-mortem: CDMA MOBILES DON’T HAVE A SIM CARD.
ANYONE STARTING A MGMT SCHOOL ANYWHERE - JUST GET ME A SEAT THERE!

Ok, let me begin with something I wrote a few months back. I had written this mail to my college mates as to what was happening with my life here.
Exercepts from that mail:

So here is what I have been up to in the last few months.
When I came back for the second term, I was determined not to let things slip. I was among the bottom half of the batch and wanted to move up the value chain(?????).The first 2 days were one of intense planning wherein I decided how Iam going to allot each minute of the day for various subjects. It was a very good plan but soon after, the real ‘vimal’ in me took over. So, I was back to square one (or zero).

It took two classes(actually mid-way throught the second) to understand that ‘Finance’ is not for the ordinary people of this planet. Disappointing, especially when u consider the fact that I was thinking of a Fin specialization when I came in here. My first term favorite, Microeconomics had evolved into Macroeconomics in the second term. It continues to be my favorite in second term along with marketing. Marketing as a subject shows a lot of promise in the sense that I can talk absolute globe for half an hour and still not make a single point. As for other subjects, less said the better.

Life here is much more than just academics. The glossy side of my life here has been the other 18 hours in the day. The beauty of the campus continues to amaze me. You almost lose count of time when you go on one of those long walks down hill with the moon shining down in all its beauty and the chilling winter breeze striking across your face. It is almost too good to be real.

As for the people here, they continue to amaze me with their intelligence-hardwork combo.We have a good bonding among our block mates here, who are twenty in number. The other blocks envy the unity of our block and also its strategic positioning (right above the girls block). We have a ‘gala’ time most of the days. No wonder, most of our grades are hopelessly screwed.

The most eagerly awaited event of the second term – the summer placements happened three weeks back. This was for our summer projects in march and april. I had prepared a resume properly for the first time in my life ( my job interview resume was prepared by a friend of mine) but when I saw some of the other resumes I thought of sending my resume to the place where it belongs – The Trash. Anyways, the big day came and so did the biggies. HLL, ITC, Tatas, Reliance, Pepsi, Coke, L’oreal, StanC and HDFC to name a few. My first GD shortlist was that of HLL’s and I screwed up the GD big time. Then came ITC and it was basically a dream GD. I got the interview shortlist. Excerpts from the interview:

Panel: so vimal, you studied electronics. Why did you get into management?
Vimal (to himself): because I never understood anything in electronics.
Vimal(to Panel): Sir it’s got to do with my long-term career plan. Well, you see ….

P: why do you want to get into marketing?
V(t h): Because Finance is screwed, there are no HR profiles open and I don’t know anything in IT.
V(t P): Marketing – the very word excites me……

P: why do you want to join ITC?
V(t h): because you are the only people who have short-listed me. It’s that simple, really.
V(t P): when you want to learn, you better learn it from the best. The 2 months will be a learning curve for me and ….

After a few more such "wonderful" interviews, I got an offer from Radio Mirchi. I was pretty happy and excited about the fact that I would get to do my summers in something I would enjoy actually.

After all that excitement with placement for 4 days, we had a few peaceful days where we screwed up quizzes as usual. Then, IRIS came. It is the biggest management festival conducted across all B-schools. With a sponsorship of 15 lakhs, the event was truly a success even before it begun. The event had the biggest prize money on offer for any game across B-schools, namely one-lakh rupees for the first prizewinner in a particular game. The other events had equally attractive prize moneys. On the last day, we got “Euphoria” to perform on campus. Incidentally, it was the first time they were performing in Indore and the ticket sales were simply outstanding. It would take me an mail as big as this to just tell about IRIS, but put shortly, it was a truly amazing experience.
.....


All right then, let me stop here. Hope it wasn't too boring.